Made the big decision!

So, this week has been a plethora of changes that will affect me in the very near future! Some are small, like telling my mother that very soon I will not be handling her finances, as it has gotten to be too much on my plate. :) Which she took beautifully! And telling my uncle that he had to get all his stuff out of our garage because I need to be able to use it, to be able to pull in when it's cold/snowy with an infant. He has till monday to get it all out before I go get a storage unit and move it myslef! lol. But the two BIG decisions were these:

1) I am going to part time as of Nov. 1st. I was originally going to work full time until Nov. 15th and then go to a day a week until Dec. 1st. I realized that the idea of that has been making me feel more and more nervous, like I won't get things done that I need to do before she's here! I've had such a strong nesting urge as it is, and I was going crazy trying to figure out how it was going to work. Especially if she comes at 36 or 37 weeks instead of 40! That would mean she'd be here around the 15th or 20th of nov at the earliest.. That's only 6 weeks from NOW! So I told my boss that I needed to go to 3 days a week starting on the 1st of Nov. And I am leaving all together on the 15th of Nov. That way I (hopefully) get at least a couple weeks to get ready and RELAX! Until then, I'm pretty much working 7 days a week. Either at the resort, or doing shoots, or on the house and teaching.

2) We fully decided on a homebirth! Yup! I get to have my water birth! It's funny, I thought that once we made the choice, I'd get more nervous about it. I'm actually LESS nervous about a home birth then I was about the hospital. I feel so much more "right" about it. It can truly be very calm, and fun, and about US not us and the other 8 couples delivering down the hall. No pushy nurses, no chaotic docs or settings, I get to do things at MY pace, my husband is not going to be asked to "get out of the way" or leave. My sisters will be welcomed not pushed to the side. I can walk around naked lol. We can video tape the birth. And yes, we are. And yes, I will be posting it for women who are considering home water births so that they can actually see what it is like and make informed decisions. I was only able to find 3 videos on youtube that were at all helpful and I respected those women for sharing! And as a doula I can add some great voice over stuff to the labor/pushing parts that might help other moms too. :)

The hard thing about this was my appointment with my DR. (obgyn) yesterday. Where I had to tell her that I had chosen a homebirth and midwife instead. I wanted to keep her as my Dr. I have been happy with her care, I just have a very slim chance of her delivering me to begin with, and that's not the type of birth I've wanted anyway. She told me that while she will maintain as my GYN, she will not see me until 6 weeks post pardum. And that includes if I were to develop anything that would keep me from being ABLE to do a home birth. She told me I could find a different practice, they will not take me back as an OB patient. That was kind of hard to hear. Especially as my midwife was so willing to work with my Dr. Oh well. I still feel great about my decision.

I really am looking forward to a HAPPY and FUN birth! Which it seems my old Dr did not think was possible and even Billy thinks that I'm reaching a bit with that idea. But I truly truly believe that I CAN have a great time during labor and birth. I have faith in my body being strong, capable, and willing to do the work involved. Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW that it will be hard work! But I don't believe it has to be screaming agony. My goal is to have her with no yelling, no screaming, and not once saying "I can't do this". I want to be laughing, singing, smiling, and yes I'm sure the occasional Groan will escape me. Heck it does when you're doing sit ups! I guess I'm just hoping that my support team agrees with me and gives me those focusers and encouragments during the journey.

Allyson (my doula and very close friend) started our childbirth classes two weeks ago. I really am getting some great new ideas and tips and feeling very empowered through them. It's nice to be reminded that your body is built for this and being given so many different ways to help it do the work!

It's amazing to think that in 6-10 weeks, I will be holding my DAUGHTER. I will have a daughter! I'm so amazed and also so ...curious? I mean I can imagine to an extent what that will be like... but I truly have NO idea what that change will be like in reality. I mean I'm going to go from being a "carrier" one minute to a MOTHER the next.. Yes I know that I am technically a mother now, but I'm not doing any "mothering". I'm simply growing her, enjoying her movement, talking to her. It's going to be SUCH a dramatic life change.. one I can't even fathom. Hope she likes me! :)